Annual UU-UNO Sermon: The Genderbread Person
Preached 10/20/2019 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
Oh do you know the genderbread person? Who here has ever met the genderbread person? Well, I’m glad to introduce you. SWUU, meet the genderbread person. Genderbread person, this is SWUU. (“Nice to meet you!”)
The genderbread person shows us how gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and attraction are four separate things, and each is a spectrum.
Confusing? Yes. Yes, it is okay to admit that this can be confusing! For those of us who grew up in a world where none of this was ever discussed, especially for those of us who never had any reason to question, and just took it all for granted, it is confusing!
If the genderbread person confuses you, it might be because you are cisgender. It’s okay, admitting it is the first step. My name is Meg, and I’m cisgender. That means that my gender identity matches the biological sex that I was assigned at birth. Or put another way, when I was born, the doctors looked at me and said, yep, that baby’s body looks like what we generally agree is a female body.
And then I was brought up being told that I was female, and I was socialized to be female, and in preschool when we lined up in a boys line and a girls line, I never had to think twice about which line I was supposed to be in, and nobody thought it was strange or worrisome that I liked to play with barbies, and it all felt right and made sense to me and I never questioned my femaleness. If you can relate to that story, you too might be a cisgender female.
Most of us are cisgender. Statistics are tough, because there is still so much stigma and even violence around non-cisgender folks, that it’s hard to know how many people are not cisgender just based on voluntary reports. But a recent survey showed about 0.6 percent or about 1.3 million adults in the US are not cisgender. In a given room of 200 people, you’re likely to have at least one person that’s not cisgender. With that prevalence, it’s vital that teachers, police, and healthcare workers learn about how to be sensitive to people who are not cisgender.
**stories from QTE book **
It can be hard to imagine for those of us who have never really thought about or questioned our gender. But when I imagine what it would be like to wake up in the wrong body… not just having a body that feels wrong, but beyond that, having people perceive me as wildly different from what I know I am… that’s awful. Are you ever surprised when you look in the mirror? Maybe the person you see is not as young, or as slim as you assume they are going to be? What a jolt! Sometimes I swear something is wrong with my mirror because, especially first thing in the morning instead of showing me myself, it shows my mother!
But imagine if it showed my father!
And here’s the real thing - the truth of it all: we don’t have to understand to be compassionate. We don’t have to agree, we don’t have to subscribe. We don’t have to get it or understand the genderbread person, not really. Not in order to be kind and respectful and to use the pronouns people ask for.
So to apply the genderbread person’s parts to myself:
First, My gender identity is in my head: I feel pretty female.
Second, My gender expression shows on the outside of my body: I like to wear clothes, makeup and have my hair in such a way that I’m signaling femininity in our particular culture.
Third, My biological sex is what is in my pants. That’s for me to know, and has nothing to do with which bathroom I choose to use.
Fourth, My attraction, which has nothing to do with bathrooms either, is in my heart, and nobody can tell just by looking at me. I’m a secret lesbian. Shhhh.
I invite you to reflect now: What is your gender identity? Is it obvious to you? Is it something you have thought about before? Is your gender identity male? Or female? Or maybe it changes, some days you feel more male and some days you feel more female? Maybe you don’t feel especially either, or perhaps you feel both. Can you find yourself on the spectrum? Or do you dance around? Are these easy questions to answer? Or would you rather not think about it at all?
I know a minister who begins each service talking about how everyone is welcome by saying, no matter who you are, you are welcome here, whether you are this, or that, or a little bit of both.
You are welcome, whether you are happy or sad, or a little bit of both! You are welcome here, whether you are old or young, or a little bit of both! You are welcome here whether you are Atheist or religious or ----!
You are welcome in this space! Whether you are outgoing or shy or -----!
You are welcome! Whether you are rich or poor or ----!
We welcome you with open arms, whether you are Gay or straight, or ---!
You are welcome here! Whether you are male or female, or ---.
You are welcome here! You are loved! Whether you are cisgender or transgender or ---!
You are welcome whether you are comfortable with this or you think this is weird or a little bit of both!
Preached 10/20/2019 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
Oh do you know the genderbread person? Who here has ever met the genderbread person? Well, I’m glad to introduce you. SWUU, meet the genderbread person. Genderbread person, this is SWUU. (“Nice to meet you!”)
The genderbread person shows us how gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and attraction are four separate things, and each is a spectrum.
Confusing? Yes. Yes, it is okay to admit that this can be confusing! For those of us who grew up in a world where none of this was ever discussed, especially for those of us who never had any reason to question, and just took it all for granted, it is confusing!
If the genderbread person confuses you, it might be because you are cisgender. It’s okay, admitting it is the first step. My name is Meg, and I’m cisgender. That means that my gender identity matches the biological sex that I was assigned at birth. Or put another way, when I was born, the doctors looked at me and said, yep, that baby’s body looks like what we generally agree is a female body.
And then I was brought up being told that I was female, and I was socialized to be female, and in preschool when we lined up in a boys line and a girls line, I never had to think twice about which line I was supposed to be in, and nobody thought it was strange or worrisome that I liked to play with barbies, and it all felt right and made sense to me and I never questioned my femaleness. If you can relate to that story, you too might be a cisgender female.
Most of us are cisgender. Statistics are tough, because there is still so much stigma and even violence around non-cisgender folks, that it’s hard to know how many people are not cisgender just based on voluntary reports. But a recent survey showed about 0.6 percent or about 1.3 million adults in the US are not cisgender. In a given room of 200 people, you’re likely to have at least one person that’s not cisgender. With that prevalence, it’s vital that teachers, police, and healthcare workers learn about how to be sensitive to people who are not cisgender.
**stories from QTE book **
It can be hard to imagine for those of us who have never really thought about or questioned our gender. But when I imagine what it would be like to wake up in the wrong body… not just having a body that feels wrong, but beyond that, having people perceive me as wildly different from what I know I am… that’s awful. Are you ever surprised when you look in the mirror? Maybe the person you see is not as young, or as slim as you assume they are going to be? What a jolt! Sometimes I swear something is wrong with my mirror because, especially first thing in the morning instead of showing me myself, it shows my mother!
But imagine if it showed my father!
And here’s the real thing - the truth of it all: we don’t have to understand to be compassionate. We don’t have to agree, we don’t have to subscribe. We don’t have to get it or understand the genderbread person, not really. Not in order to be kind and respectful and to use the pronouns people ask for.
So to apply the genderbread person’s parts to myself:
First, My gender identity is in my head: I feel pretty female.
Second, My gender expression shows on the outside of my body: I like to wear clothes, makeup and have my hair in such a way that I’m signaling femininity in our particular culture.
Third, My biological sex is what is in my pants. That’s for me to know, and has nothing to do with which bathroom I choose to use.
Fourth, My attraction, which has nothing to do with bathrooms either, is in my heart, and nobody can tell just by looking at me. I’m a secret lesbian. Shhhh.
I invite you to reflect now: What is your gender identity? Is it obvious to you? Is it something you have thought about before? Is your gender identity male? Or female? Or maybe it changes, some days you feel more male and some days you feel more female? Maybe you don’t feel especially either, or perhaps you feel both. Can you find yourself on the spectrum? Or do you dance around? Are these easy questions to answer? Or would you rather not think about it at all?
I know a minister who begins each service talking about how everyone is welcome by saying, no matter who you are, you are welcome here, whether you are this, or that, or a little bit of both.
You are welcome, whether you are happy or sad, or a little bit of both! You are welcome here, whether you are old or young, or a little bit of both! You are welcome here whether you are Atheist or religious or ----!
You are welcome in this space! Whether you are outgoing or shy or -----!
You are welcome! Whether you are rich or poor or ----!
We welcome you with open arms, whether you are Gay or straight, or ---!
You are welcome here! Whether you are male or female, or ---.
You are welcome here! You are loved! Whether you are cisgender or transgender or ---!
You are welcome whether you are comfortable with this or you think this is weird or a little bit of both!