Saved From Imperfection
Preached 1/9/2021 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
Spoiler alert: In the book the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, the Fourth Agreement is “Always do your best.”
Always do your best. Does that feel exhausting? If so, the good news is that Ruiz is quick to explain that the rule “Always do your best” means never pushing yourself to do more than your best.
We are doing our best this morning. The world is spinning and nothing is static. People have COVID and plans are changing and we are figuring out how to put together a church service in the midst of it. Come back next week - on zoom! For a whole different experience! We have to embrace trying our best in this culture of perfectionism.
Perfectionism. It’s a cultural disease and we all have it to some degree.
Perfectionism is one of the defining characteristics of White Supremacy Culture. According to author Anne Lamott, perfectionism is “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”
I can relate! Extreme perfectionism is insanity!
Dr. Brene Brown has said that studies show that ““Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”
It becomes a loop, I won’t allow myself to make mistakes, but I am human so I inevitably make mistakes, so I’ll try harder not to allow myself to make mistakes.
In this culture, this white supremacist meritocracy, we find ourselves defined by our achievements, and it can be really, really hard to recognize the inherent worth and dignity that exists in us.
White supremacist meritocracy? What kind of sermon is this? This is too political, or too negative. Here’s the thing. We live in a white supremacist culture. We just do. I’m not asking you to feel bad about it, I’m just stating a fact, like the sun is in the sky. And we live in what is mostly, essentially, on its better days, a meritocracy. Which is not a bad way to live. It’s not perfect! And the problem with this white supremacist meritocracy, well, one of the problems, a major problem, is that it focuses on perfectionism, focuses on your mistakes and views them as deep character flaws rather than what they are… mistakes.
Because your worth and your dignity are inherent. You cannot achieve them. You cannot try harder to have more worth and dignity. You cannot attain them through hard work or study.
And you cannot achieve perfection. That’s the thing. You never, ever, ever, as long as you are living this life in this body that you are in at this moment, you will never be perfect. You can’t And neither can anyone else.
White Supremacy culture tells us that there is one right way to do things. According to the social justice group SURJ, “Perfectionism is the conditioned belief and attitude that we can be perfect based on a standard or set of rules that we did not create and that we are led to believe will prove our value. “
This is an incorrect belief! We cannot be perfect!
And studies have shown that perfectionism does not help. Striving for perfection actually inhibits creativity and flow. Perfectionism leads to anxiety and depression. Because it is a lie, because it is based on black-and-white thinking, because it focuses on the persons’ actions rather than the person’s worth.
And I have some really good news for you. Now that I’ve spoiled the ending of the Four Agreements - always try your best and never try harder than that! - I’ll give you good news to make up for the spoiler:
We are saved from perfection. I’m quoting UU minister Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen, who said, “We are already saved from perfection. Doing this work is not neat and tidy, it is messy. Develop the spiritual fortitude to embrace the discomfort and the mistakes.”
Develop the spiritual fortitude to embrace the discomfort and the mistakes.
That is learning to have resilience around tolerating discomfort. The discomfort around your own mistakes, and the discomfort around others’ mistakes.
It’s good news, it’s liberating! You are saved from perfection. You do not need to continue to be a servant to perfectionism. We are all saved from perfection by our very nature as humans. Not one of us will attain perfection in this lifetime, so we are saved from it.
Dr. Tema Okun prescribes a learning attitude as an antidote to perfectionism. She suggests cultivating an “expectation is that everyone will make mistakes and those mistakes offer opportunities for learning.”
We humans wonder why were are here, what is the point of it all? And I’m pretty confident in telling you that we are not here to be perfect. For one thing, who even decides what perfect is?
I do believe that we are here to learn. And we learn by trying and failing and by making mistakes. We learn and we learn through our imperfections. I learn from yours and you learn from mine.
And again, who is the judge anyway? Who gets to decide how perfect you or I are?
Well, I’ll tell you. I do. I’ve appointed myself arbiter of all that is perfect, and I say that you are. So there. I mean, we can all see how silly this striving for perfection is, right?
We can choose to go through life critiquing or appreciating. We can choose to see the good in people and maybe even in ourselves. Because I’ll tell you right now, as a Universalist, I see you as perfect. If you are bumbling through life making mistakes and even doing harm, and then learning from it, that’s perfect. Just keep doing that. That, I think is why we are here.
And if it turns out that I was wrong, go ahead and find me in the afterlife and let me know how wrong I was. Heck, I’m not perfect!
But I’m willing to place my bets on this: you are a miracle, a divine essence, a reflection of the eternal now, and striving for perfection is a very silly thing for such a magnificent creature to become preoccupied with.
So let’s develop the spiritual fortitude to embrace the discomfort of our mistakes. How? Cultivating a learning attitude, seeing yourself as a creature that is moving through this life as through a school. Learning, learning. Making mistakes and observing others’ mistakes and always learning. The Buddhists call this “Beginners Mind.”
(Read from “Bless the Imperfect” p. 62-63)
Beginner’s Mind. Cultivating a tolerance for the uncomfortable and the mistakes that you and I and everyone will constantly be making forever.
Albert Einstein said that the person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. Let’s keep trying new things!
Preached 1/9/2021 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
Spoiler alert: In the book the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, the Fourth Agreement is “Always do your best.”
Always do your best. Does that feel exhausting? If so, the good news is that Ruiz is quick to explain that the rule “Always do your best” means never pushing yourself to do more than your best.
We are doing our best this morning. The world is spinning and nothing is static. People have COVID and plans are changing and we are figuring out how to put together a church service in the midst of it. Come back next week - on zoom! For a whole different experience! We have to embrace trying our best in this culture of perfectionism.
Perfectionism. It’s a cultural disease and we all have it to some degree.
Perfectionism is one of the defining characteristics of White Supremacy Culture. According to author Anne Lamott, perfectionism is “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”
I can relate! Extreme perfectionism is insanity!
Dr. Brene Brown has said that studies show that ““Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”
It becomes a loop, I won’t allow myself to make mistakes, but I am human so I inevitably make mistakes, so I’ll try harder not to allow myself to make mistakes.
In this culture, this white supremacist meritocracy, we find ourselves defined by our achievements, and it can be really, really hard to recognize the inherent worth and dignity that exists in us.
White supremacist meritocracy? What kind of sermon is this? This is too political, or too negative. Here’s the thing. We live in a white supremacist culture. We just do. I’m not asking you to feel bad about it, I’m just stating a fact, like the sun is in the sky. And we live in what is mostly, essentially, on its better days, a meritocracy. Which is not a bad way to live. It’s not perfect! And the problem with this white supremacist meritocracy, well, one of the problems, a major problem, is that it focuses on perfectionism, focuses on your mistakes and views them as deep character flaws rather than what they are… mistakes.
Because your worth and your dignity are inherent. You cannot achieve them. You cannot try harder to have more worth and dignity. You cannot attain them through hard work or study.
And you cannot achieve perfection. That’s the thing. You never, ever, ever, as long as you are living this life in this body that you are in at this moment, you will never be perfect. You can’t And neither can anyone else.
White Supremacy culture tells us that there is one right way to do things. According to the social justice group SURJ, “Perfectionism is the conditioned belief and attitude that we can be perfect based on a standard or set of rules that we did not create and that we are led to believe will prove our value. “
This is an incorrect belief! We cannot be perfect!
And studies have shown that perfectionism does not help. Striving for perfection actually inhibits creativity and flow. Perfectionism leads to anxiety and depression. Because it is a lie, because it is based on black-and-white thinking, because it focuses on the persons’ actions rather than the person’s worth.
And I have some really good news for you. Now that I’ve spoiled the ending of the Four Agreements - always try your best and never try harder than that! - I’ll give you good news to make up for the spoiler:
We are saved from perfection. I’m quoting UU minister Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen, who said, “We are already saved from perfection. Doing this work is not neat and tidy, it is messy. Develop the spiritual fortitude to embrace the discomfort and the mistakes.”
Develop the spiritual fortitude to embrace the discomfort and the mistakes.
That is learning to have resilience around tolerating discomfort. The discomfort around your own mistakes, and the discomfort around others’ mistakes.
It’s good news, it’s liberating! You are saved from perfection. You do not need to continue to be a servant to perfectionism. We are all saved from perfection by our very nature as humans. Not one of us will attain perfection in this lifetime, so we are saved from it.
Dr. Tema Okun prescribes a learning attitude as an antidote to perfectionism. She suggests cultivating an “expectation is that everyone will make mistakes and those mistakes offer opportunities for learning.”
We humans wonder why were are here, what is the point of it all? And I’m pretty confident in telling you that we are not here to be perfect. For one thing, who even decides what perfect is?
I do believe that we are here to learn. And we learn by trying and failing and by making mistakes. We learn and we learn through our imperfections. I learn from yours and you learn from mine.
And again, who is the judge anyway? Who gets to decide how perfect you or I are?
Well, I’ll tell you. I do. I’ve appointed myself arbiter of all that is perfect, and I say that you are. So there. I mean, we can all see how silly this striving for perfection is, right?
We can choose to go through life critiquing or appreciating. We can choose to see the good in people and maybe even in ourselves. Because I’ll tell you right now, as a Universalist, I see you as perfect. If you are bumbling through life making mistakes and even doing harm, and then learning from it, that’s perfect. Just keep doing that. That, I think is why we are here.
And if it turns out that I was wrong, go ahead and find me in the afterlife and let me know how wrong I was. Heck, I’m not perfect!
But I’m willing to place my bets on this: you are a miracle, a divine essence, a reflection of the eternal now, and striving for perfection is a very silly thing for such a magnificent creature to become preoccupied with.
So let’s develop the spiritual fortitude to embrace the discomfort of our mistakes. How? Cultivating a learning attitude, seeing yourself as a creature that is moving through this life as through a school. Learning, learning. Making mistakes and observing others’ mistakes and always learning. The Buddhists call this “Beginners Mind.”
(Read from “Bless the Imperfect” p. 62-63)
Beginner’s Mind. Cultivating a tolerance for the uncomfortable and the mistakes that you and I and everyone will constantly be making forever.
Albert Einstein said that the person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. Let’s keep trying new things!