LGBTQ Celebration!
Preached 10/11/2020 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
There is a popular phrase you might have heard - The First Gay Pride Was a Riot. It’s true of course, that Gay Pride month takes place every June in memory of the Stonewall Riot in June 1969. That violent confrontation between New York police officers and patrons of the bar at the Stonewall Inn, is identified as the turning point of the modern Gay Pride movement. We celebrate Pride in June and it is a celebration of diversity and love - a celebration of the diversity of love! The ways that love can be diverse, can diverge from what we expect.
In a world where love is generally assumed to be between a man and a woman, alternative ways of loving can be celebrated… how wonderful that there is more love!
October is LGBT History month and today, Oct 11th is Coming Out Day.
UU Minister Sara Green has written this about Coming Out Day:
I did a little research on the history of National Coming Out Day. It began in 1988 with the premise that coming out as a queer or trans person was the most basic form of activism one could do, because of the rationale that it is harder for people to hate queer or trans people if they know one. Although there had been a first march in 1979, National Coming Out Day is a celebration of the second March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights that put forth such demands as increased funding towards ending the AID pandemic, an end to apartheid in South Africa, an end to sodomy laws, and the passing of a gay and lesbian civil rights law. What an amazing and magical moment of visibility and power.
Rev Sara goes on to note that Coming Out Day is complicated. The premise is correct: social scientists have found that the number one factor in homophobia is whether the person personally knows any gay people.
That is to say that science has shown that most homophobic people don’t know any gay people and once someone they care about comes out, their homophobia generally just dries up and blows away.
So the premise of the day is correct: coming out is a powerful political act.
At the same time, tomorrow, October 12, is the anniversary of the brutal death of Matthew Shepard. 22 years ago, Matthew Shepard was violently killed at the hands of homophobes whose hate did not simply vanish when he came out.
Every November we remember the Transgender and non-binary people who have been killed throughout the year on Transgender Day of Remembrance, and this year the number is higher than ever: 31 trans and non-binary people have been killed this year.
Coming out, being out, and living out is a complicated thing. Coming out can be painful, can lead to homelessness, isolation, violence and in the worst cases, death. Is National Coming Out Day really such a good thing? Should we be celebrating it every year?
Some people don’t think so. Ohio State professor Matthew Berkhold argued a couple of years ago in the Washington Post that rather than have a Coming Out Day, we should, as a culture, stop assuming everyone is straight. He asks, “Straight people don’t come out, why should gay people?”
To prove his point, Prof Berkhold proposes a silly idea:
Imagine we proclaim a National Coming Out Day for everyone. Whether straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, questioning or curious, Oct. 11 could be a chance to broadcast our sexuality. You can imagine the pubescent middle-schooler anxiously awaiting Oct. 11 to declare whether Jack and/or Jill should ask her to the dance.
Or imagine we assume everyone is gay. Oct. 11 could be a day for straight people to announce their sexuality. Until he comes out, casually ask your neighbor's son if he has a boyfriend. Nudge him and point out the cute boys in the neighborhood. I suspect your neighbor's son will not be pleased, assuming he's straight. The reaction is understandable. Having one's sexuality mistaken is alienating and destructive to one's sense of self.
These obviously ridiculous ideas prove the point: “they make clear that sexuality is no way to organize our judgments about people and that no particular sexuality should be the expected default.”
There are other little ridiculous thought experiments that help to prove this as well. How about a baby onesie for a little boy that says “chick magnet.” Cute, right? What if that onesie was on a baby girl? Kinda creepy - why are we sexualizing that baby?
I’ve personally struggled with this - this assumption that everyone is straight until proven otherwise. People who are aware that my wife and I share a last name are often flummoxed by our relationship, rarely assuming that we are married. Are we sisters? Cousins? Mother and daughter? We’ve gotten all of those strange guesses when a man and woman would have simply been assumed to be married.
And I get it, gay marriage is still relatively new. And having to explain how my wife and I are related to one another (spoiler alert: we’re married to each other) is a small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. But the push towards a world where we no longer need to have a Coming Out Day is an inspired one.
Because we live lives of assumption. I’ve said this when talking about racial justice, and it applies here too: as humans, our brains are fantastic at making quick assumptions. This predicts that. This milk smells bad so it will make me sick. That floorboard looks loose so it might not hold me. These assumptions are constant and they are helpful! But the assumptions we make about each other can be so harmful and completely untrue. Even the passive, small assumptions.
The obviously hurtful ones are the ones that go, that person’s skin is a different color than mine, therefore they are more violent, not as smart, etc. Or, that person is fat, therefore they are lazy. But on Coming Out Day, we are talking about a really subtle, tiny assumption. The assumption that everyone is straight and cisgendered. (cisgender meaning not trans, or basically the gender that was assigned to you at birth feels right to you)
Or that straight people look straight and queer people look queer.
We don’t.
Why should we change these assumptions? Because it’s part of treating others with respect, it’s part of recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of each person. But more than that, like I pointed out, challenging your deep assumptions about other people ties in with racial justice and justice towards all humanity.
If you take this sermon seriously today, if you go off and think from time to time about the fact that you can’t just assume that everyone is straight, you will be actively doing LGBT justice work. It’s as easy as that!
I’d like to end the sermon today with this lovely prayer from the Religious Institute:
We are grateful for the gift of our lives and the gift of other people in our lives.
Each of us is created with dignity and worth.
We are called to love one another and to do nothing to others that we would find hateful to ourselves.
We honor the many ways that people live and love.
Our common life is enriched when queer, transgender, bisexual, lesbian, and gay people can come out—sharing the gifts of their sexual orientation and gender identity.
True justice flourishes when all people can live and flourish.
We suffer when LGBTQ people are oppressed, excluded, or shamed by religious people who overlook the fundamental call to love one another.
Love does not exclude. We are all worthy.
May we work to build a world where all people are celebrated and loved.
We celebrate sexual and gender diversity as a blessing that enriches us all.
Preached 10/11/2020 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
There is a popular phrase you might have heard - The First Gay Pride Was a Riot. It’s true of course, that Gay Pride month takes place every June in memory of the Stonewall Riot in June 1969. That violent confrontation between New York police officers and patrons of the bar at the Stonewall Inn, is identified as the turning point of the modern Gay Pride movement. We celebrate Pride in June and it is a celebration of diversity and love - a celebration of the diversity of love! The ways that love can be diverse, can diverge from what we expect.
In a world where love is generally assumed to be between a man and a woman, alternative ways of loving can be celebrated… how wonderful that there is more love!
October is LGBT History month and today, Oct 11th is Coming Out Day.
UU Minister Sara Green has written this about Coming Out Day:
I did a little research on the history of National Coming Out Day. It began in 1988 with the premise that coming out as a queer or trans person was the most basic form of activism one could do, because of the rationale that it is harder for people to hate queer or trans people if they know one. Although there had been a first march in 1979, National Coming Out Day is a celebration of the second March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights that put forth such demands as increased funding towards ending the AID pandemic, an end to apartheid in South Africa, an end to sodomy laws, and the passing of a gay and lesbian civil rights law. What an amazing and magical moment of visibility and power.
Rev Sara goes on to note that Coming Out Day is complicated. The premise is correct: social scientists have found that the number one factor in homophobia is whether the person personally knows any gay people.
That is to say that science has shown that most homophobic people don’t know any gay people and once someone they care about comes out, their homophobia generally just dries up and blows away.
So the premise of the day is correct: coming out is a powerful political act.
At the same time, tomorrow, October 12, is the anniversary of the brutal death of Matthew Shepard. 22 years ago, Matthew Shepard was violently killed at the hands of homophobes whose hate did not simply vanish when he came out.
Every November we remember the Transgender and non-binary people who have been killed throughout the year on Transgender Day of Remembrance, and this year the number is higher than ever: 31 trans and non-binary people have been killed this year.
Coming out, being out, and living out is a complicated thing. Coming out can be painful, can lead to homelessness, isolation, violence and in the worst cases, death. Is National Coming Out Day really such a good thing? Should we be celebrating it every year?
Some people don’t think so. Ohio State professor Matthew Berkhold argued a couple of years ago in the Washington Post that rather than have a Coming Out Day, we should, as a culture, stop assuming everyone is straight. He asks, “Straight people don’t come out, why should gay people?”
To prove his point, Prof Berkhold proposes a silly idea:
Imagine we proclaim a National Coming Out Day for everyone. Whether straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, questioning or curious, Oct. 11 could be a chance to broadcast our sexuality. You can imagine the pubescent middle-schooler anxiously awaiting Oct. 11 to declare whether Jack and/or Jill should ask her to the dance.
Or imagine we assume everyone is gay. Oct. 11 could be a day for straight people to announce their sexuality. Until he comes out, casually ask your neighbor's son if he has a boyfriend. Nudge him and point out the cute boys in the neighborhood. I suspect your neighbor's son will not be pleased, assuming he's straight. The reaction is understandable. Having one's sexuality mistaken is alienating and destructive to one's sense of self.
These obviously ridiculous ideas prove the point: “they make clear that sexuality is no way to organize our judgments about people and that no particular sexuality should be the expected default.”
There are other little ridiculous thought experiments that help to prove this as well. How about a baby onesie for a little boy that says “chick magnet.” Cute, right? What if that onesie was on a baby girl? Kinda creepy - why are we sexualizing that baby?
I’ve personally struggled with this - this assumption that everyone is straight until proven otherwise. People who are aware that my wife and I share a last name are often flummoxed by our relationship, rarely assuming that we are married. Are we sisters? Cousins? Mother and daughter? We’ve gotten all of those strange guesses when a man and woman would have simply been assumed to be married.
And I get it, gay marriage is still relatively new. And having to explain how my wife and I are related to one another (spoiler alert: we’re married to each other) is a small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. But the push towards a world where we no longer need to have a Coming Out Day is an inspired one.
Because we live lives of assumption. I’ve said this when talking about racial justice, and it applies here too: as humans, our brains are fantastic at making quick assumptions. This predicts that. This milk smells bad so it will make me sick. That floorboard looks loose so it might not hold me. These assumptions are constant and they are helpful! But the assumptions we make about each other can be so harmful and completely untrue. Even the passive, small assumptions.
The obviously hurtful ones are the ones that go, that person’s skin is a different color than mine, therefore they are more violent, not as smart, etc. Or, that person is fat, therefore they are lazy. But on Coming Out Day, we are talking about a really subtle, tiny assumption. The assumption that everyone is straight and cisgendered. (cisgender meaning not trans, or basically the gender that was assigned to you at birth feels right to you)
Or that straight people look straight and queer people look queer.
We don’t.
Why should we change these assumptions? Because it’s part of treating others with respect, it’s part of recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of each person. But more than that, like I pointed out, challenging your deep assumptions about other people ties in with racial justice and justice towards all humanity.
If you take this sermon seriously today, if you go off and think from time to time about the fact that you can’t just assume that everyone is straight, you will be actively doing LGBT justice work. It’s as easy as that!
I’d like to end the sermon today with this lovely prayer from the Religious Institute:
We are grateful for the gift of our lives and the gift of other people in our lives.
Each of us is created with dignity and worth.
We are called to love one another and to do nothing to others that we would find hateful to ourselves.
We honor the many ways that people live and love.
Our common life is enriched when queer, transgender, bisexual, lesbian, and gay people can come out—sharing the gifts of their sexual orientation and gender identity.
True justice flourishes when all people can live and flourish.
We suffer when LGBTQ people are oppressed, excluded, or shamed by religious people who overlook the fundamental call to love one another.
Love does not exclude. We are all worthy.
May we work to build a world where all people are celebrated and loved.
We celebrate sexual and gender diversity as a blessing that enriches us all.