Rewriting Our Stories
Preached 5/16/2021 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
We all tell stories. As humans, we are creatures that are attracted to and interested in stories. We tell stories of our histories, stories of our ancestors and where we came from. We tell stories about how we got here and where we are going. We have corporate, community stories. The story of the founding of our country, the story of our neighborhood or our city, the story of our congregation. We define ourselves through our stories.
Although stories seem like something for the realm of children, stories don’t seem serious, they seem frivolous and fun, scientists have been finding that the stories that we tell are actually deeply important for many reasons. I’ll give you three quick reasons:
It is important to notice the stories that we tell about yourselves rather than just going along with them. We are given stories, we inherit our family stories. Perhaps you were given a role in your family as the funny one, the smart one, the rebellious one, etc. You were given this story about yourself. It is important to interrogate these stories and decide for ourselves if we want to keep them, if we want to tweak them, because we can take control of our stories. We can be who we want to be.
For instance, the shared national story that many of us were given in school was about being a citizen of a country that is based in rebellion, in independence. Oh, the USA was founded on Christian values! And also we had to fight for our independence! And we are winners! We won that battle and we have won every war ever and we are fighters and winners and we must keep struggling and fighting for independence at every turn because freedom isn’t free!
So we get into a bit of a defensive, pessimistic, us-versus-them mode there. When we interrogate that story, we see that there are untrue parts, or parts that are true, but perhaps not helpful to highlight. There are also positive pieces of this story that we can keep. Yes, we are a resilient people but perhaps we could learn to be a bit more cooperative rather than combative.
So I’d like to invite you to think about your own personal story. Your story of yourself. And I would ask you, what is the realistically optimistic version of your story? Can you see yourself as an empowered, resilient person?
Jack Kornfield tells a wonderful story of being distracted during a sitting meditation by his mind wandering, as it scrutinizes every ache and pain in his body, he notes that one arm doesn’t ache at all, in fact, perhaps it is numb? Oh no! Is he having a heart attack or a stroke? No, this is just over-thinking. Our brains try to synthesize and organize the world around us and sometimes they are flat-out wrong. Which is why we interrogate our stories rather than always believing them. He uses this example of the mind running wild to explain the quote by The poet Muriel Ruckheyser who said, “The universe is made of stories, not atoms.” Jack Kornfield ends his story by telling us “When we drop below the stories, our heart shines.” This is his way of encouraging us to notice and interrogate our stories. In this way, we can take charge of them, or choose to let go of them altogether.
Here is a short meditative process that can help us to notice our unconscious stories. The deep ones that feel so deep and real that they are hard to notice. I’d like to invite you to make sure your body is comfortable before closing your eyes or softening your gaze as you feel comfortable.
Now envision a seat in the middle of the universe. It is the very center of everything. It is the one place that unifies the entirety of the solar system, gravitating all of the cells and atoms and molecules into a solid structure. It is the most important seat in the world—take that seat. Place yourself in that space, at the heart of being itself, and feel the utter magnitude of your own aliveness.
Take a few breaths, knowing that this space we occupy is of cosmic importance, recognizing the sheer magnitude of our own existence.
Continue breathing, feeling the deep importance of your seat in the universe. Note what is coming up for you. Are you experiencing thoughts in the form of pictures or words? Are you experiencing feelings? Do you feel negative feelings such as a rejection or fear of this important seat? Can you bring yourself towards an acceptance, a calm, serene settling into your seat at the center of the universe?
Over time, let yourself sink into a feeling of being centered and in tune. When you feel ready, slowly open your eyes. In meditation practice, this is called taking the one seat.
Taking the one seat can be done at any time in order to help you center and take yourself out of your stories. To step back, zoom out, way out! Seeing yourself in the universe.
Not tiny and insignificant, but strong and in control of your life. Just as powerful and significant as anyone or anything else. You have a place. This is the beginning of your story. You get to write it, you get to tell it. The story of a blessed, beloved, divine human being who is utterly connected to every other bit of the universe.
Unitarian “bad boy” Henry David Thoreau said, “However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you think it is. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poor-house.”
May we choose the stories we tell about ourselves to be pleasant, thrilling, and glorious.
Preached 5/16/2021 at SouthWest UU in N. Royalton OH
By Rev. Meg Mathieson
We all tell stories. As humans, we are creatures that are attracted to and interested in stories. We tell stories of our histories, stories of our ancestors and where we came from. We tell stories about how we got here and where we are going. We have corporate, community stories. The story of the founding of our country, the story of our neighborhood or our city, the story of our congregation. We define ourselves through our stories.
Although stories seem like something for the realm of children, stories don’t seem serious, they seem frivolous and fun, scientists have been finding that the stories that we tell are actually deeply important for many reasons. I’ll give you three quick reasons:
- Science has found that our brains depend on stories in order to make sense of and organize the world. As adults we forget how overwhelming the world is to a young brain. There is sensory input coming in from all sides all the time and our brains must sift through it and organize it. Our stories help us to do this, to focus in on certain elements rather than being overwhelmed by everything that is happening all the time. Right now, what are you doing? You are engaging in church.
You also might be hearing background noise of folks mowing their lawns in your neighborhood, you also might hear a pet asking for attention or feel your body digesting your breakfast. Perhaps there are smaller stories in your head about what you plan to do later on today or about a conversation you had with a family member or friend. But all of those other stories can be set aside when your brain decides that the story for right now is that you are engaging in being in a church service. So the birds tweeting outside are irrelevant, you can ignore them. - Then, something magical happens. When we agree as a group on a shared story, we use this shared story to connect to each other. Without discussing it ahead of time, you and I and everyone else in this virtual room has decided to agree that we are all acting out the same story: we are having worship this morning. And I am the minister and I am preaching and you are listening, or perhaps not listening as the case may be! So we are connected in our shared story. It’s not a shared story about your neighbor who is mowing their lawn. It’s not a shared story about anything else. It is a story where we have all agreed to tune out other distractions and be together for an hour or so. This is an incredible, magical thing that our brains can do! And it happens through story.
- The third thing that makes stories very important for us as humans, besides that they help us organize the world and they help us connect to each other, is that the stories that we tell influence our decisions about what we choose to do and how we live our lives. Scientists have found that the way that we tell our stories influences our everyday actions. For instance, you could tell a story to yourself this morning that you don’t want to be here in this virtual space but you feel obligated to be here. Or you could tell a story that you are overjoyed to be here. And the way you tell this story will influence what you choose to do next.
There is a one-to-one correlation there.
It is important to notice the stories that we tell about yourselves rather than just going along with them. We are given stories, we inherit our family stories. Perhaps you were given a role in your family as the funny one, the smart one, the rebellious one, etc. You were given this story about yourself. It is important to interrogate these stories and decide for ourselves if we want to keep them, if we want to tweak them, because we can take control of our stories. We can be who we want to be.
For instance, the shared national story that many of us were given in school was about being a citizen of a country that is based in rebellion, in independence. Oh, the USA was founded on Christian values! And also we had to fight for our independence! And we are winners! We won that battle and we have won every war ever and we are fighters and winners and we must keep struggling and fighting for independence at every turn because freedom isn’t free!
So we get into a bit of a defensive, pessimistic, us-versus-them mode there. When we interrogate that story, we see that there are untrue parts, or parts that are true, but perhaps not helpful to highlight. There are also positive pieces of this story that we can keep. Yes, we are a resilient people but perhaps we could learn to be a bit more cooperative rather than combative.
So I’d like to invite you to think about your own personal story. Your story of yourself. And I would ask you, what is the realistically optimistic version of your story? Can you see yourself as an empowered, resilient person?
Jack Kornfield tells a wonderful story of being distracted during a sitting meditation by his mind wandering, as it scrutinizes every ache and pain in his body, he notes that one arm doesn’t ache at all, in fact, perhaps it is numb? Oh no! Is he having a heart attack or a stroke? No, this is just over-thinking. Our brains try to synthesize and organize the world around us and sometimes they are flat-out wrong. Which is why we interrogate our stories rather than always believing them. He uses this example of the mind running wild to explain the quote by The poet Muriel Ruckheyser who said, “The universe is made of stories, not atoms.” Jack Kornfield ends his story by telling us “When we drop below the stories, our heart shines.” This is his way of encouraging us to notice and interrogate our stories. In this way, we can take charge of them, or choose to let go of them altogether.
Here is a short meditative process that can help us to notice our unconscious stories. The deep ones that feel so deep and real that they are hard to notice. I’d like to invite you to make sure your body is comfortable before closing your eyes or softening your gaze as you feel comfortable.
Now envision a seat in the middle of the universe. It is the very center of everything. It is the one place that unifies the entirety of the solar system, gravitating all of the cells and atoms and molecules into a solid structure. It is the most important seat in the world—take that seat. Place yourself in that space, at the heart of being itself, and feel the utter magnitude of your own aliveness.
Take a few breaths, knowing that this space we occupy is of cosmic importance, recognizing the sheer magnitude of our own existence.
Continue breathing, feeling the deep importance of your seat in the universe. Note what is coming up for you. Are you experiencing thoughts in the form of pictures or words? Are you experiencing feelings? Do you feel negative feelings such as a rejection or fear of this important seat? Can you bring yourself towards an acceptance, a calm, serene settling into your seat at the center of the universe?
Over time, let yourself sink into a feeling of being centered and in tune. When you feel ready, slowly open your eyes. In meditation practice, this is called taking the one seat.
Taking the one seat can be done at any time in order to help you center and take yourself out of your stories. To step back, zoom out, way out! Seeing yourself in the universe.
Not tiny and insignificant, but strong and in control of your life. Just as powerful and significant as anyone or anything else. You have a place. This is the beginning of your story. You get to write it, you get to tell it. The story of a blessed, beloved, divine human being who is utterly connected to every other bit of the universe.
Unitarian “bad boy” Henry David Thoreau said, “However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you think it is. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poor-house.”
May we choose the stories we tell about ourselves to be pleasant, thrilling, and glorious.